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Frequently Asked Questions About The Most Effective Psychotherapist For Your Relationship

Struggling with mental health issues is challenging in itself. What more if you’re in a relationship? Aside from yourself, there’s also your partner in accounting for and caring for.

Just like our physical well-being, taking care of our mental health is important too. There may be a time where we find it hard to process emotions, think clearly, or express what we feel. Mental health disorders can affect all aspects of our lives, including our relationships.

Finding a partner who can understand and accept us is a gift for those with mental health issues. If it’s the other way around, we should try our best to be that caring partner.

You don’t have to carry burdens alone in a relationship. However, we shouldn’t expect our loved ones to be our therapists. They should be people we can turn to for help and support when we need it.

Sometimes, mental health problems can put pressure on our relationships. Although conflict and disagreements are usual, mental health issues can complicate these. Misunderstandings due to difficulties in expressing ourselves can take a toll on both parties.

Other problems such as overdependence, negative self-talk, and insecurities may also arise. Lastly, we can also say hurtful things that we don’t mean to say.

After talking this through with your partner, the next step you can take is seeking professional help. Diagnosis and treatment are essential to lead a happy and healthy life. In treating your mental health problem, psychotherapy can be an option.

Psychotherapy is a general term for treatment by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals. It aims to help you process your thoughts and emotions as well as plan strategies to manage these.

A diversity of mental health issues such as mood disorders and personality disorders use psychotherapy as treatment. A form of psychotherapy you might be familiar with is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

Being a widely accepted form of treatment, the outlook of receiving psychotherapy is generally reasonable. Numerous studies have proven how effective it is. However, keep in mind that professional consultation is a must before receiving any form of treatment.

You may still have a lot of questions running through your mind about psychotherapy. Read on to know more about this treatment method and if it’s viable for you or your partner.

How do I choose a psychotherapist?

First, look for a psychotherapist that you feel most comfortable with. Spend time to talk to various therapists until you discover one who is warm and understanding. It should be someone who matches your personality and the circumstance you are in, someone who is respectful of your opinions.

Which type of therapy is most likely to be the most effective in treating depression?

Studies have revealed that cognitive-behavioral therapy is as effective as taking antidepressant medications in managing depression. CBT tremendously helps the patient think more clearly and eradicate the several negative thoughts that come with depression.

What kind of therapy do you believe is most effective? Why?

Many people agree that a blended strategy – one that utilizes the various schools of psychotherapy – is best for them. There are several psychotherapy types, but the two most widely used are cognitive behavioral therapy and psychodynamic therapy.

What is the most important factor in the success of psychotherapy?

The most vital part of effective therapy is that the client and the therapist work hand in hand to help them attain their therapy goals. Some psychotherapists are consistent in producing outstanding outcomes compared to others, regardless of patient personalities and treatment plans.

How do I know if a therapist is right for me?

There are three important things that you must feel to know whether or not your therapist is the right choice for you – competence, safety, and a complete sense of connection. You should feel that you can fully trust your therapist, and you can be honest with him.

Additionally, your therapist should also be capable of establishing a judgment-free zone where the patient can liberally express how he thinks or feels.

What are the four types of psychotherapy?

The various psychotherapy approaches include behavior therapy, integrative or holistic therapy, cognitive therapy, and humanistic therapy.

What are the four types of talk therapy?

The four types of talk therapy include cognitive behavioral therapy, counseling, interpersonal therapy, and guided self-help.

What therapy is best for anxiety?

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the most commonly recommended therapy in treating anxiety disorders. Studies have shown that it effectively manages phobias, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder, among other mental health conditions.

Is psychotherapy better than Counseling?

Counseling could be a more suitable option than psychotherapy if you want to learn coping skills to better deal with stress and improve your relationships. It will also be a better choice if you have particular issues you need to address in the shorter term.

Finally, if you were coping with new adjustments like divorce or a loved one’s death, counseling would make a great option than psychotherapy.

Do psychotherapists diagnose?

Many psychotherapists cannot diagnose and prescribe medications. Their responsibility is limited to providing therapy and treatment to their mental health patients instead of making diagnoses.

What is the most successful therapy?

According to a guidelines report, CBT is the most studied field of psychotherapy for treating depression. It is believed to have the biggest bulk of evidence in terms of effectiveness.

What is the most common therapy?

There are many known types of psychotherapy. However, the two most widely used forms are cognitive behavioral therapy and psychodynamic therapy.

Does psychotherapy work?

Hundreds of clinical reports have documented that psychotherapy helps individuals create positive changes in the way they live. These reports also show that approximately 75% of individuals who have embraced psychotherapy have shown substantial improvements.

Conclusion

As much as we can, we try to exercise, eat right, and visit a doctor to make sure we’re healthy. It shouldn’t be so different for our mental health. There is still a stigma with mental health issues and problems but don’t be discouraged by these. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help when times are getting rough.

It’s essential to be there for your partner when either one of you is experiencing mental health problems. A relationship built on trust, acceptance, and love can still face a lot of hardships. But with an open and understanding mind, you can overcome these difficulties. We can try to be a safe space where they can share what they feel or think.

You can also try to look after your partner by keeping note of possible signs of mental health problems. Common ones are general loss of interest, constant worrying and loneliness, binging food and alcohol, and severe mood swings.

When you see these signs, it might be a good idea to talk to your partner about them when they’re ready. If you’re both prepared, you may also find someone to provide professional help.

Psychotherapy can be a great option. Some of its forms are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy. Whatever the approach, the goal is to help you process and manage your thoughts and emotions.

What specific treatment you’ll receive depends on your condition and recommendation by a mental health professional.

For some, therapy may be difficult or uncomfortable at first, but it will get better with time. Feel free to open up at your own time and pace. Depending on your treatment plan, activities may vary. But in general, expect to face yourself.

Try to stick to your treatment plan and your therapist’s advice to get the best out of your sessions. Quick results are nearly impossible; getting better will take time. If you feel things are getting worse, talk to your therapist about this.

We should do our best to be there for our loved ones. Loving someone with a mental health disorder isn’t easy, but we can try to work things out. Through understanding and acceptance, you will indeed find healing together.

Frequently Asked Questions About Things Overly Depressed People Could Do

Dealing with heartbreak will never be easy for anyone. However, it is much harder for introverts, considering they have no way to talk about their emotions to other people. They will clam up and keep their mouths shut, thus giving depression no opportunity to end.

I knew what that’s like from experience. I was a third-year college student – a very nerdy one – when I met Jason. He was sweet, funny, and dreamy – and he only had eyes for me. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world whenever he was with me because I was aware of how many people had a crush on him. And Jason chose me among all of them. Yes, that was a big deal.

Unfortunately, last year, Jason died because of COVID-19. He contracted the coronavirus through a friend that he met once during the lockdown. We all thought that he would survive because he was such ab athletic guy, but he developed different hospital complications. Jason was pronounced dead 10 days later.

Depression Came Naturally

Of course, I got depressed when I heard the news. Jason and I had been together for three years. In truth, we were already talking about moving in together before the pandemic came and ruined our lives in a snap.

I cried for Jason every day. Even just looking at the things that he gave me made me bawl for hours. I did not want to leave the house or at least eat anymore. I just wanted to turn things around so that Jason could come back to me.

In all fairness to my parents, they allowed me to mourn for my deceased boyfriend for as long as needed. However, after 3 months, they began to worry about my physical and mental health. That’s especially true when they learned that I no longer answered my friends’ calls and texts. In my defense, it was because they were also Jason’s friends. They reminded me of him, so I wanted to stay away from them. Still, my parents told me that that’s not how grieving works – that you are supposed to lean on people more and let them help you deal with life.

Because of that, they signed me up for counseling sessions to help me fight my depression.

What is the number 1 cause of depression?

Various things could cause depression, but among the major ones are genetics and the environment. After all, studies suggest that having at least one relative diagnosed with depression could be a telltale sign that anyone in the family related to that person by blood could receive the same diagnosis years later. In other cases, dealing with poverty, divorce abuse, and other unfortunate circumstances could make anyone depressed.

How can I lift my mood?

For anyone who wants to lift your spirits, you need to:

Do a little spring cleaning. There is nothing wrong with tidying up your home to feel better, The cleaner the house is, the more you can think better, and the more your mood may improve.
Listen to your favorite songs. The reality is that people label songs that they relate to as their favorites, so you can absolutely get in touch with your emotions by listening to them. It would also be nice if you could share them with your friends.
Walk around every day. In the mornings, you can walk around the neighborhood to get a little exercise. Doing so will be able to get your blood flowing, thus energizing you. Along the way, you may also greet some neighbors to somewhat get away from your worries.
Express your emotions. If you cannot handle things anymore, it is okay to cry, be angry, or even yell. You need to express your feelings instead of bottling them all up because that would aggravate your depression.

What is the most serious depression form?

The most severe form of depression is persistent depressive disorder (PDD). This condition entails that you may experience depressive symptoms for at least two years. If the issues are not fixed within that period, you may deal with worse behavioral and mental changes.

The thing is, the symptoms of PDD are not as severe as that of major depression. In truth, they may be controllable most of the time. But if you are constantly depressed, it will undoubtedly have an adverse impact on your personal and professional relationships.

What increases the risk of depression?

Substance abuse is one of the most significant factors that can increase the risk of having depression. The more you drink alcohol or overuse drugs, after all, the more your brain chemicals will be altered. Naturally, your brain function will be different from usual, and you may start making decisions that do not make sense to others.

No form of therapy or counseling would be able to reverse its effects altogether.

What are the eight causes of depression?

The eight causes of depression include:

Family disputes
Intrapersonal problems
Loss of a beloved
Various forms of abuse
Genetics
Life-changing events
Medical conditions
Medical prescriptions

What gender is more likely to experience depression?

Although no one may be 100% free from depression, women are said to get depressed more than men. It may be due to the fact that women are generally more in tune with their emotions than their male counterparts. And the more you acknowledge your feelings, the more you become prone to developing depression.

Does depression count as a disability?

Based on the Americans with Disabilities Act, yes, depression is technically considered a disability. That is especially true because it has a debilitating effect on people to the extent that they can hardly do anything other than stay in their heads.

What does a mental breakdown look like?

The mental breakdown does not have a standard “look” per se. The common idea is that the person breaks down in a puddle of tears during this circumstance. Although it may happen sometimes, that person can also look shell-shocked and hold that one pose for hours or, worse, days. They do not cry; they don’t express any other emotions – just blank.

Do you cry during a mental breakdown?

Yes, you can cry during a mental breakdown, but it does not always happen. In reality, people could use different emotions to express themselves during a breakdown. For instance, some could be aggressive and angry; others could be shell-shocked and mum about everything.

What’s common among all these expressions of a mental breakdown, though, is that people act in such ways because they can no longer find words to express how they feel.

How do I heal myself mentally?

To mentally heal yourself from everything, you need to:

Go easy on yourself. You can’t know everything; you can’t be everything. If you keep that in mind, you will stop putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be someone you are not.
Look after your mind and body. It is one thing to eat on time; it is another to eat and exercise to feel good inside and out. This way, you can improve your mental and physical health.
Filter your friends and family. I know it may sound harsh to say it out loud, but not everyone in your inner circle is a good influence on you. Some indeed are, but others may only be there to pull you in the wrong direction and see your downfall. Before that happens, you need to know who genuinely cares about you and stay away from those who do not.
Learn stress-relieving techniques. You may find that meditation is among the best ways to relieve stress. You can do it anywhere, even if you can only get a minute of silence.

What’s good for mental health?

The actions that may benefit your mental health include:

Exercising regularly
Eating healthy foods on time
Letting out all your emotions, good or bad
Keep playing with your strengths
Connecting with loved ones
Giving yourself time to adjust to everything

Final Thoughts

Getting over Jason was not the easiest thing to do. He was my soulmate – I knew that. Losing him genuinely felt like I lost half of my soul. However, I also knew that he would not want me to dwell on something as irreversible as death for too long, so I began to go out to see my friends and family again. I stayed in contact with Jason’s family, too, given that they were like a family to me already.

I am not sure if or when I will be ready to find new love, but I’m happy on my own right now.

Frequently Asked Questions About Behavioral Therapy for Me and My Partner

We often see our partners as people who we can rely on. Confiding our partners’ mental illnesses can be challenging but signifies our trust and willingness to make things work. Sometimes, if unmanaged, these conditions can create rifts of misunderstanding.

Having empathy and educating our partners about existing conditions can help most of the time. But in some cases, navigating this path successfully can be trickier than expected.

Even if your relationship is great in terms of understanding, you shouldn’t expect your partner to heal you. Seeking help from a professional is ideal and better in the long run.

Behavioral therapy is something you can look into. Used to treat a wide range of conditions such as anxiety to eating disorders, this technique aims to reinforce good behavior and minimize harmful ones.

Behavioral therapy reframes how you react to certain situations and triggers. By modifying and altering your response, it’s possible to eliminate the behaviors causing issues. It is widely used for stress and anger management due to its action-focused nature.

Behavioral therapy can be used in relationships to solve over dependency and communication problems that are commonly destructive.

Depending on your situation, behavioral therapy can focus on an individual or your relationship as a whole. If you are considering behavioral therapy for you or your partner, here are some frequently asked questions about this.

What does a child behavioral therapist do?

A child behavioral therapist assists children to overcome self-destructive behaviors and encourage desired cognitive abilities. They have expertise in the emotional, academic, social, and behavioral aspects of a child’s development.

Aside from that, they also teach the parents how to cope with their child’s behavior and develop strategies that will help them solve problems in the comforts of their home.

How much schooling do you need to be a behavioral therapist?

Behavioral therapists require 8 to 10 years of schooling. The first requirement is a bachelor’s degree in psychology or other related fields. Once you have earned this, you may start practicing as a behavioral disorder counselor.

You may take your master’s degree in counseling or psychology while being a counselor, which is a prerequisite to being a behavioral therapist. After schooling, you may work towards your license by serving 2,000 to 4,000 hours of clinical experience.

What is an example of a behavioral approach?

A behavioral approach focuses on how an external factor becomes a stimulus in a person’s mental health growth and development. The most common examples of a behavioral approach are positive and negative reinforcements.

In positive reinforcements, people observe the behavior change when an external environment offers reward or recognition. On the other hand, negative reinforcements focus on how punishments can affect someone’s actions.

When should I see a behavioral therapist?

Certain signs will determine whether you should see a behavioral therapist. First, it’s better to seek a professional’s help when you’re having difficulty regulating your feelings and emotions, especially when you see that your anger and irritability already affect the people around you.

The second is poor performance in school or work. Serious mental health problems can result in decreased productivity due to impaired attention, lack of focus, and low energy levels.

What are signs of behavioral problems?

Behavioral problems can be noticeable through various signs, including agitation, alcohol and drug abuse, carelessness, the flatness of emotion, unusual talkativeness, and anger. You may also notice increased temper tantrums, blaming other people, easily getting nervous, or continually questioning authority.

How is behavioral disorder treated?

Intensive research in the past decades showed that behavioral disorders have no definite cure. However, this can easily be managed through cognitive behavioral therapy treatment (CBT), also known as talk therapy.

This treatment requires a patient to serve hour-long sessions for the therapist to touch deep-level understanding and emotions. Its primary goal is to help clients eliminate negative feelings and thoughts and develop tailored strategies to cope with destructive impulse behaviors and actions.

What are behavioral issues in adults?

Behavioral issues in adults often include attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, depression, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and bipolar disorder. The most common behavioral problem for adults is anxiety, often due to the stressful environment at home and work.

If left untreated, anxiety disorders can evolve into a deeper level of worry and fear. This extreme emotion may interfere with daily activities like schoolwork, social relationships, and job performance.

Is ADHD a behavioral disorder?

ADHD is the most common behavioral disorder diagnosed in children. It revolves around being overactive, difficulty in focusing, inability to control action and behavior, or even a combination of all of these.

Those individuals experiencing less disruptive behaviors are considered to have attention deficit disorder or ADD. Those on the extreme side, however, are most likely diagnosed with ADHD.

What causes the emotional, behavioral disorder?

Biological factors and social environments cause emotional, behavioral disorders. Brain chemical imbalances make managing emotions more challenging. These natural factors stem from different body issues such as brain damage, physical disability, prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs, hereditary factors, or a malnourished lifestyle.

Social environments are also a big thing when it comes to emotional, behavioral disorders. A person’s home life, school situation, work environment, and peer problems may also cause emotional disturbance.

There are no perfect relationships. Loving someone means seeing each other through even the ugly moments. Instead of seeing mental illness as a burden, view it as a test of commitment in your relationship. Giving up may seem easy, but taking action to adjust will lead to growth.

Behavioral issues you or your partner have present problems to your relationship. Unresolved anger issues, depression, and anxiety can evolve into something worse. Signs such as bursts of anger, always blaming your partner, and jealousy may seem small at first but build up over time.

The journey of working on your problems isn’t easy. You don’t have to be alone, though. Your partner can give you another perspective.

Although behavioral therapy is a useful and effective tool, it isn’t always the best course of action. Remember to consult a professional for the best course of action for you or your partner.

Acknowledging problems that you or your partner brought into the relationship is a hard but necessary step. Showing commitment also means confiding conditions you have when entering a serious long-term relationship.

Seeking therapy such as behavioral therapy is another brave step towards taking care of yourself. This eventually translates to making your relationship better and stronger.

Finding A Partner Fit For Your Mental Health

They say you have to learn to love yourself before you learn to love others. But for those who struggle with mental health issues, hearing this may make them feel inadequate or inferior. So it’s vital to reassure them that although it is important to love yourself first, brokenness does not make you incapable of loving and feeling loved.

You can always use some company while you travel the path to accepting and loving yourself. A reliable support system can help you stay on track. Your family members, friends, mental health professionals, or even your significant other are great support sources.

Your journey to mental stability may not be as smooth as you want it to be. So make sure that you surround yourself with people who are suitable for your progress. Here are qualities you must look for when searching for someone great for both your heart and your mind.

Someone Who Can Understand Your Condition

The first step would be to find someone who can understand you and your condition. A partner should be someone you can confide in, so it is crucial to share health issues before plunging into a romantic relationship.

You don’t have to share your condition right away. You can enjoy the getting-to-know stage first. Once you feel you are ready for the next step, you can begin to open up about your mental health problem.

Sharing your condition does not mean heavily relying on your partner to make you feel better. Instead, your partner can help you go through your journey carefully. Remember, love doesn’t necessarily nor immediately heal you of your issues.

Letting your partner into your life means exposing them to the routines you already have including medications, therapy sessions, and support group meetings.

Someone Who Can Communicate Effectively

A right partner is also someone who can take steps to help you mend your issues. Communication is a critical component in a healthy relationship because it gives each person the liberty to express themselves without judgment. Find a partner who is willing to listen to you.

However, your needs are not the only ones that matter in a relationship. Communication is a two-way street, so be sure to also listen to your partner’s needs. Reflect on the opinion of your partner to know what you can also do to meet their needs. If you have different needs or perspectives, meet halfway if you can.

Communicating with your partner goes beyond merely listening and reflecting on your partner’s words. Notice their gestures and body language. Observe the little things they do when they narrate about their day at work or when they’re raising their concerns about you.

The little things can go far in helping you have an honest connection with each other. Communication also plays a role in avoiding stressful misunderstandings that can damage your mental health.

Someone Who Respects Your Boundaries

Even in intimate relationships, boundaries are essential. Boundaries help in maintaining a sense of self. Love should support you towards self-improvement and mental stability, not take you further away from it.

Preserving your individuality in a relationship avoids developing codependency, which is a toxic behavior that sacrifices your needs to please others. Boundaries in a relationship also ward off feelings of resentment and bitterness. When boundaries are crossed too far and too often, your partner may feel like they no longer have control.

Remember that a relationship should involve a healthy balance of power between the two parties. Don’t let your relationship have an asymmetric power play as this imbalance could lead to toxic or manipulative behavior.

Someone Who Can Lift Your Spirits Up

Self-esteem is also fundamental when taking care of your mental health. You may feel at times that you are inadequate, hopeless, replaceable, or even useless.

But the truth is, those feelings are just a result of your mental health issues. Having a partner to provide you with an external perspective helps you grounded to the reality of your situation.

However, you should remember that your partner is not your therapist or psychiatrist. Seeing them as superheroes who can always save you from a bad day is also dangerous to both of you. Improving your mental health means working on yourself.

Do not expect too much from your partner because they, too, are only human. Too high expectations from them could result in codependency behavior. Instead, build your emotional strength and ask for their support.

Commitment involves the ability to give and to receive. So in the relationship, you are looking for, you are not just a receiver, but also a giver. Try to achieve these traits to provide your partner with someone who is also beneficial for their mental health.

Remember that these qualities are not just for those with mental health disorders. These are also for everyone who wants to keep their mental health in good shape while in a relationship.

If you are already in a relationship and are struggling to care for your mental health, seek help. You may consult counselors or relationship therapists to help you improve your bond with your partner.

Broken Family: How It Brought Out The Best (And Worst) In Me

Living in a home where parents quarreled every single night—mom’s crying, dad’s shouting, things thrown here and there—wasn’t easy. I had to deal with trauma and fears of being hurt with the future relationships that I am going to have. I have to deal with my trust issues, as well. And it wasn’t fun.

Growing up, I became aloof and was possessive with my friends. I tend to be a giver, a “give- it-all” kind to my ex-boyfriends. I do it so that I won’t have any regrets (or so I thought), thinking that “he’s the one who’s finally going to love me,” but I ended up wrong.

It’s never easy.

It’s never easy overcoming those feelings and emotional distress, those thoughts that kept on haunting me—that I wasn’t good enough, that I don’t deserve to be loved. It made me think of being alone, that no one cares for me. I feared I’ll also end up in a broken family. And I know that I am not really the only child who grew up in this kind of environment.

But, I was able to overcome these things. My colleagues and my spiritual family in college helped me a lot, and I eventually found healing.

The Irony Of A Dysfunctional, “Close-Knit” Filipino Family

In the past years, there has been quite an increase in the number of broken marriages in the Philippines. An article in Philippine Daily Inquirer stated that there are at least 100,000 broken marriages every year, not to mention that 10,000 of these marriages file for an annulment. A report shows that annulment cases in the Philippines increased by 40%.

These broken marriages may be due to several causes, such as lack of communication, high expectations, early marriage, and cheating. Furthermore, parents’ quarrels significantly affect the children psychologically, as well as their academic performances and behavior.

Effects of Broken Family to Child’s Well-being

In a case study conducted by Kassandra Tejada, she cited that children who are products of broken families encounter problems in personal adjustment and peer relations.

Effects further include a distorted view of marriage, custody of parents and unsettled legal issues, struggles of growing up with jealousy and sadness, insecurity, and being paranoid with other people and fearing abandonment.

According to Gordon Harold, Ph.D., “Children who are exposed to daily arguments between their parents—conflicts that are not violent but constant, severe, and poorly resolved—are at a heightened risk for mental health issues, despite considering bad parenting habits or genetic predisposition factors, something passed from the parents to children, in discussing the impact of hostile relationships and their effects on children.”

“Importantly, kids may not really be accountable for their parents’ marriage problems. Rather, they have to perceive or feel that they are accountable so that they will experience negative psychological results,” he added.

A Story Of Healing

When asked how they want their future families to be, one participant in Tejada’s case study responded, “Establish a godly and financially stable family.”

The process of healing and hoping for a better future doesn’t really happen overnight. To be honest, I myself am still in the process of healing. There are still many moments when I reminisce about all that has happened, and memories will bring back tears to my eyes.

But there’s healing, coping, and moving on. As the years passed, I realize that I am worthy of love. Whether I came from a happy or broken family does not matter when it comes to being accepted by my peers, colleagues, and friends.

My mom, close friends, churchmates, and workmates really helped me a lot in stepping forward, despite how hard it was. Their guidance really brought out the best in my disposition in life. Recent experiences led to favorable successes in studies, career, and finances.

Also, being part of a broken family doesn’t really define how an individual wants to build his or her future. Just like how the participant responded, committing to God in the future is also an important thing. As a product of a broken family, I realized how to be strong despite what happened, and I also recognized that these scars can serve as an inspiration to other wounded and hurting people.

With my failed relationships in the past, I also realized that true love is bound by God’s love for me. Establishing a God-centered family became one of my life goals.

Being a product of a broken family is one of the worst things that can happen in our lives. However, realizing that we are stronger than we think and overcoming this challenge is the best we can do for ourselves. When we are finally able to heal, we can build stronger relationships filled with trust, care, and love.

Why Your Dating Life Should Wait Until After The Pandemic

While growing up, my parents have always told me to “collect and select.” Not books, comics, jewelry, or anything of that sort, to be honest. Instead, they are talking about the men I date.

Mom used to say, “The first guy you will go out with is not always your last love. It’s great if you meet your soulmate on your first try, but keep your heart and mind open unless it doesn’t happen.”

I guess I listened to my folks a little too well since I am still single at the age of 30. I did have dates and boyfriends who I thought were “the one”; they merely ended up as nothing but parts of my colorful life. Then, the pandemic came and stopped everyone’s activities, including my plans for finding a partner.

Now that the quarantine has been lifted at the time of writing, though, I am not too eager to get back on the dating wagon. Please don’t think that I have lost hope on love—I have not. I believe that dating can wait until after the pandemic because:

The Enemy Is Still Out There

Yes, you heard that correctly: the enemy—a.k.a. Coronavirus—remains at large. There is no cure for COVID-19, which means that no one knows how to kill the virus. You can’t even find a vaccine yet, so it seems impossible to shield yourself from it.

Imagine how much trouble you will undoubtedly get into if you insist on going out and catch the coronavirus. Your life is now in danger, and you have put your loved ones and your new date at the risk of having the same disease since you’ve been around them.

You Can’t Go Out On Proper Dates

A proper date in my book consists of having dinner at a fine-dining restaurant and drinking at the bar. If the night is still young, the club is always open.

However, none of that is doable when the entire world is dealing with a pandemic. The quarantine period is over, yes, but bars and clubs are not supposed to re-open yet. Dining out is also prohibited at this time, so your options include inviting a stranger to your home or taking out food and eating it in the car. Neither sounds good, I know.

It’s A Bit Scary To Be Near A Stranger

Although people no longer need to stay at home 24/7, the government still mandates us to maintain a social distance from each other. It seems ideal when you are grocery shopping or crossing the street, but you can’t be on a date and put a meter or two of space between you and the other person. That will not be romantic or sexy at all.

If I am honest, I think it is scary to be near a stranger right now. You don’t know who they have been hanging out with during quarantine or where they have been. They can claim to be safe from the coronavirus, but how can you guarantee that without test results? It is awkward to require your date to do rapid testing before your first meeting, so it’s best to put it off for a while.

Final Thoughts

I understand why some individuals cannot wait until this pandemic is over before they start dating again. Loneliness and fear of dying without building a family can activate your anxiety and make you feel like going out there is the best idea. Despite that, you can’t be too comfortable now that the quarantine has been lifted—many COVID-19 patients are asymptomatic, and they may be lurking all over town. You will only be able to evade the coronavirus by physically distancing yourself from everyone, including your potential date.

Good luck!

Real Or Fake? How To Spot Posers In The Online Dating World

In the 2019 Book Event, people met to exchange books and to forge connections with people who share the same passion. Attending events is an excellent way to meet someone new. But there’s another method that’s easier and more accessible for anyone with an internet connection – online dating.

Online dating apps and sites allow us to meet and connect with people from almost anywhere in the world. However, not all people you’ll chance upon online are who they tell you to be; they may not even be real. To avoid wasting time on people who are not even real, here are some tell-tale signs of a poser in the online dating sphere.

Photo

One of the signs that a profile is fake is the lack of photos. Posers know that stealing lots of photos online will be difficult, so they often stick to one to a few pictures with generic poses. Sometimes, their photos may even look like a stock photo! A quick Google reverse image search can help you spot a faker.

Profile

Another tell-tale sign of a poser profile is the lack of details. Yes, sometimes, people would say that putting everything on their profile takes away the fun in the first conversations. But, an empty profile is like an online product marketed without copy – untrustworthy. So, before you even swipe right, check the profile. If it gives out nothing more than the name, steer clear of that account.

Grammar

The online dating world connects us to people all around the world. And granted, they may not all be that good in English; however, they’re still unlikely to be that bad in writing. One of the things you should look out for is bad grammar and poor spelling, especially for profiles with an American picture.

Conversation

If the person you’re chatting with avoids video chatting with you, then their profile is likely fake. Generic excuses like weak internet connection and broken cameras are flimsy reasons not to talk with you especially since most people have camera phones.

There are always dangers in meeting people, be it online or in events. So be aware not to get tangled in a web of lies. Keep your wit and be a smart online dater!

Tips For Lovers Not Quarantined Together

When you go on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram l, or any other online platform, you will see videos and photos of couples who are on home quarantine. Husbands and wives cook and bake for each other; boyfriends and girlfriends have fun together. But no matter how good this isolation is for a lot of relationships, the media contents do not represent the reality that other couples need to face during these trying times.

If you dive deeper into the said platforms, it will become apparent that many couples are forced to stay apart because of the pandemic. Some cannot visit their infected partner at the hospital; others have gotten locked down at different places. For sure, they can FaceTime or Skype with each other, but the physical distance must be brutal.

Here are a few tips to help your relationship survive even after the COVID-19 outbreak.

Think Positive Thoughts
The first thing you should do is fill your head with positive thoughts. I know it is crazy—scary even—to think of possibly acquiring the coronavirus or working from home for months. Not having your better half nearby can make it even worse. However, you are not helping yourself or your loved one who is far away by thinking like this.

In case positive thoughts do not come naturally to you, I recommend listening to upbeat songs every day. Crank up your speaker volume as soon as you wake up and tune into feel-good music. The happy tunes can make you forget your worries for a little while.

You can also stay away from the news if that messes up your psyche. You already know not to leave the house until a specific time; watching the number of patients go up cannot be suitable for you.

Find Ways To Bond With Each Other
One of the many things that you can do with your partner despite your distance is starting a Netflix party. It practically means choosing one movie that you want to watch. Then, you install the Netflix Party app and hit the Play button so that both of you will see it. Even though you are not sitting or lying next to each other, you are still technically watching a movie together.

Another thing that I have seen some couples do is create Tik Tok videos for each other. Assuming you are unaware of it, Tik Tok is a video-sharing platform where people post random clips of them dancing, cooking, singing, dubbing, etc. Signing up to this channel can bring the goofiness out of you, which may have attracted your partner in the first place.

Do Something Sweet For Your Love
One celebrity news that I recently read about was that of Kristen Bell dancing outside of her husband Dax Shepard’s room with their two kids. At the time, the actor had to self-quarantine for 14 days after coming back from a trip. Seeing Kristen Bell do that in public shows how much she must care for her spouse.

Now, you may try pulling the same trick if your partner lives a few blocks from your place. But if you can’t, you can always have something delivered to their doorstep. E.g., their favorite food, home essentials, gifts, etc. Doing so can cheer them up, without a doubt.

Final Thoughts
I know you wish for this pandemic to end not only to have your old life back but also to see your special someone again. Unfortunately, not even the experts can tell how long we all need to remain quarantined to keep the coronavirus from spreading. To compensate for the lack of hugging and spending quality time with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, therefore, why don’t you try the tips above?

Things People Learned From Speed Dating

A few years ago, a 2017 writers event where publishers, authors, agents, and editors gathered for the 2017 Creative Nonfiction Writers’ Conference. It is an avenue to meet people who share the same passion in writing, where they get to learn and acquire new skills, gather advice, and build connections. It is quite like going into speed dating and finding more than just romance after attending. Here are some things to learn:

It’s Not A Job Interview

When singles try out speed dating for the first time, they tend to overthink. They sometimes try to “practice” before the event. These people plan out what to say, how to react during a conversation, and have a general idea of how they want things to go.

However, when they do these things, they’re treating speed dating like a job interview. This kind of thinking is wrong. Presenting yourself as a partner should happen organically. People shouldn’t have to try to sell themselves like potential employees. If someone likes you, it should be because they feel naturally drawn to you.

Source: flickr.com

It’ll Make You Less Picky

Outside of organized dating, most people will tend only to approach someone who’s their “type.” At speed dating events, however, you’ll be exposing yourself to people of different backgrounds, interests, and qualities.

Participants said that they were able to meet others whom they would have never met outside of a controlled environment. They said they became less picky of people they liked. It just shows that you never really know who you’re going to click with unless you talk to them. Your “type” may be the bookish, brooding guy in the corner, but you’ll be surprised when talking to the energetic jock.

You Might Find Love of a Different Type

Most people come to an event hoping to find romance and leave having found friendship instead. Participants reported that even though it didn’t work out romantically with those they met, they remained as good friends. Likewise, many female event-goers would exchange information with other women so they could stay in touch. Such an occurrence wasn’t likely to take place when it came to men.

Source: pixabay.com

What Speed Dating Can Teach Us

As it turns out, organized dating events have more benefits than we think. It teaches us that love is not a job interview, and we have to be ourselves. Moreover, we have to loosen up and learn to be less picky with potential partners. Lastly, romance isn’t the only thing we can gain. We can also form friendships with the people we meet.

How Lupus Affects Your Dating Attitude

Lupus is a mischievous disease, won’t you agree? It can suck your energy without warning, to the point that you have to cancel on essential meetings. There may also be days when you feel depressed and not responsive to the affection that others are giving to you. As a result, it might push a loved one out of your life.

That kind of scenario can undoubtedly leave you jaded emotionally and mentally. The disease has an impact on your dating attitude too, for sure.

It Lowers Your Confidence Level

When you carry this condition, you will often lose control of your weight. The numbers on the weighing scale may rise and fall, and the illness might prevent you from achieving your ideal weight. Your once-thick mane may begin to thin out as well at a fast rate. The rash may spread all over, while swelling may affect your joints and lower body. Moreover, the longer you experience such symptoms, the more your self-esteem may suffer because of lupus.

As you probably know, a dip in confidence can increase anyone’s inability to talk to others. Combined with the knowledge that your disorder is a lifetime thing, you may decide against going out and avoiding any involvement with someone, regardless of how special he may be.

It Makes You Want To Lie

Lupus may also make you feel as if lying is better than telling your date that you have an incurable disease. Instead of being truthful about why you suddenly do not have the energy to go out, you come up with an alibi to cover up the fact that it’s a symptom of the illness. Furthermore, when the guy asks whether you are okay or not, you try to be chirpy and act like it’s nothing.

Well, lupus is entirely something. It is not wise to hide it from your love interest because: 1) he might feel betrayed once he finds out, and 2) you should know sooner than later if he will not run away due to your disorder. Besides, honesty is the only thing that can save you from heartbreaks, so it matters to practice it most of the time.

It Causes You To Be Choosy

Have you heard the phrase ‘collect and select’? It means that a single person has to date as many people as possible, and then choose the best one in the end.

Although the plan sounds simple, it will inevitably pave a path for heartbreaks here and there. The stress that goes with that may even worsen your condition. Thus, it is not surprising if you become pickier compared with the other females out there when it comes to the men you agree to enter your life.

Just A Piece Of Advice

Dating is not impossible even when a tricky disease like lupus gets on your way. You can do it. You can find a man who will see the real you and will not mind supporting you during your weakest moments. It may admittedly be a challenging task, but don’t all princesses encounter some frogs before they meet their princes?

Chin up, missy, and choose well. Good luck with your dating life!