Frequently Asked Questions About Things Overly Depressed People Could Do

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Dealing with heartbreak will never be easy for anyone. However, it is much harder for introverts, considering they have no way to talk about their emotions to other people. They will clam up and keep their mouths shut, thus giving depression no opportunity to end.

I knew what that’s like from experience. I was a third-year college student – a very nerdy one – when I met Jason. He was sweet, funny, and dreamy – and he only had eyes for me. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world whenever he was with me because I was aware of how many people had a crush on him. And Jason chose me among all of them. Yes, that was a big deal.

Unfortunately, last year, Jason died because of COVID-19. He contracted the coronavirus through a friend that he met once during the lockdown. We all thought that he would survive because he was such ab athletic guy, but he developed different hospital complications. Jason was pronounced dead 10 days later.

Depression Came Naturally

Of course, I got depressed when I heard the news. Jason and I had been together for three years. In truth, we were already talking about moving in together before the pandemic came and ruined our lives in a snap.

I cried for Jason every day. Even just looking at the things that he gave me made me bawl for hours. I did not want to leave the house or at least eat anymore. I just wanted to turn things around so that Jason could come back to me.

In all fairness to my parents, they allowed me to mourn for my deceased boyfriend for as long as needed. However, after 3 months, they began to worry about my physical and mental health. That’s especially true when they learned that I no longer answered my friends’ calls and texts. In my defense, it was because they were also Jason’s friends. They reminded me of him, so I wanted to stay away from them. Still, my parents told me that that’s not how grieving works – that you are supposed to lean on people more and let them help you deal with life.

Because of that, they signed me up for counseling sessions to help me fight my depression.

What is the number 1 cause of depression?

Various things could cause depression, but among the major ones are genetics and the environment. After all, studies suggest that having at least one relative diagnosed with depression could be a telltale sign that anyone in the family related to that person by blood could receive the same diagnosis years later. In other cases, dealing with poverty, divorce abuse, and other unfortunate circumstances could make anyone depressed.

How can I lift my mood?

For anyone who wants to lift your spirits, you need to:

  • Do a little spring cleaning. There is nothing wrong with tidying up your home to feel better, The cleaner the house is, the more you can think better, and the more your mood may improve.
  • Listen to your favorite songs. The reality is that people label songs that they relate to as their favorites, so you can absolutely get in touch with your emotions by listening to them. It would also be nice if you could share them with your friends.
  • Walk around every day. In the mornings, you can walk around the neighborhood to get a little exercise. Doing so will be able to get your blood flowing, thus energizing you. Along the way, you may also greet some neighbors to somewhat get away from your worries.
  • Express your emotions. If you cannot handle things anymore, it is okay to cry, be angry, or even yell. You need to express your feelings instead of bottling them all up because that would aggravate your depression.
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What is the most serious depression form?

The most severe form of depression is persistent depressive disorder (PDD). This condition entails that you may experience depressive symptoms for at least two years. If the issues are not fixed within that period, you may deal with worse behavioral and mental changes.

The thing is, the symptoms of PDD are not as severe as that of major depression. In truth, they may be controllable most of the time. But if you are constantly depressed, it will undoubtedly have an adverse impact on your personal and professional relationships.

What increases the risk of depression?

Substance abuse is one of the most significant factors that can increase the risk of having depression. The more you drink alcohol or overuse drugs, after all, the more your brain chemicals will be altered. Naturally, your brain function will be different from usual, and you may start making decisions that do not make sense to others.

No form of therapy or counseling would be able to reverse its effects altogether.

What are the eight causes of depression?

The eight causes of depression include:

  • Family disputes 
  • Intrapersonal problems 
  • Loss of a beloved 
  • Various forms of abuse 
  • Genetics 
  • Life-changing events 
  • Medical conditions 
  • Medical prescriptions 

What gender is more likely to experience depression?

Although no one may be 100% free from depression, women are said to get depressed more than men. It may be due to the fact that women are generally more in tune with their emotions than their male counterparts. And the more you acknowledge your feelings, the more you become prone to developing depression.

Does depression count as a disability?

Based on the Americans with Disabilities Act, yes, depression is technically considered a disability. That is especially true because it has a debilitating effect on people to the extent that they can hardly do anything other than stay in their heads.

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What does a mental breakdown look like?

The mental breakdown does not have a standard “look” per se. The common idea is that the person breaks down in a puddle of tears during this circumstance. Although it may happen sometimes, that person can also look shell-shocked and hold that one pose for hours or, worse, days. They do not cry; they don’t express any other emotions – just blank.

Do you cry during a mental breakdown?

Yes, you can cry during a mental breakdown, but it does not always happen. In reality, people could use different emotions to express themselves during a breakdown. For instance, some could be aggressive and angry; others could be shell-shocked and mum about everything.

What’s common among all these expressions of a mental breakdown, though, is that people act in such ways because they can no longer find words to express how they feel.

How do I heal myself mentally?

To mentally heal yourself from everything, you need to: 

  • Go easy on yourself. You can’t know everything; you can’t be everything. If you keep that in mind, you will stop putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be someone you are not. 
  • Look after your mind and body. It is one thing to eat on time; it is another to eat and exercise to feel good inside and out. This way, you can improve your mental and physical health. 
  • Filter your friends and family. I know it may sound harsh to say it out loud, but not everyone in your inner circle is a good influence on you. Some indeed are, but others may only be there to pull you in the wrong direction and see your downfall. Before that happens, you need to know who genuinely cares about you and stay away from those who do not. 
  • Learn stress-relieving techniques. You may find that meditation is among the best ways to relieve stress. You can do it anywhere, even if you can only get a minute of silence. 
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What’s good for mental health?

The actions that may benefit your mental health include:

  • Exercising regularly 
  • Eating healthy foods on time 
  • Letting out all your emotions, good or bad
  • Keep playing with your strengths
  • Connecting with loved ones
  • Giving yourself time to adjust to everything

Final Thoughts

Getting over Jason was not the easiest thing to do. He was my soulmate – I knew that. Losing him genuinely felt like I lost half of my soul. However, I also knew that he would not want me to dwell on something as irreversible as death for too long, so I began to go out to see my friends and family again. I stayed in contact with Jason’s family, too, given that they were like a family to me already.

I am not sure if or when I will be ready to find new love, but I’m happy on my own right now.

Broken Family: How It Brought Out The Best (And Worst) In Me

Living in a home where parents quarreled every single night—mom’s crying, dad’s shouting, things thrown here and there—wasn’t easy. I had to deal with trauma and fears of being hurt with the future relationships that I am going to have. I have to deal with my trust issues, as well. And it wasn’t fun.

Growing up, I became aloof and was possessive with my friends. I tend to be a giver, a “give- it-all” kind to my ex-boyfriends. I do it so that I won’t have any regrets (or so I thought), thinking that “he’s the one who’s finally going to love me,” but I ended up wrong.

It’s never easy.

It’s never easy overcoming those feelings and emotional distress, those thoughts that kept on haunting me—that I wasn’t good enough, that I don’t deserve to be loved. It made me think of being alone, that no one cares for me. I feared I’ll also end up in a broken family. And I know that I am not really the only child who grew up in this kind of environment.

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But, I was able to overcome these things. My colleagues and my spiritual family in college helped me a lot, and I eventually found healing.

The Irony Of A Dysfunctional, “Close-Knit” Filipino Family

In the past years, there has been quite an increase in the number of broken marriages in the Philippines. An article in Philippine Daily Inquirer stated that there are at least 100,000 broken marriages every year, not to mention that 10,000 of these marriages file for an annulment. A report shows that annulment cases in the Philippines increased by 40%.

These broken marriages may be due to several causes, such as lack of communication, high expectations, early marriage, and cheating. Furthermore, parents’ quarrels significantly affect the children psychologically, as well as their academic performances and behavior.

Effects of Broken Family to Child’s Well-being

In a case study conducted by Kassandra Tejada, she cited that children who are products of broken families encounter problems in personal adjustment and peer relations.

Effects further include a distorted view of marriage, custody of parents and unsettled legal issues, struggles of growing up with jealousy and sadness, insecurity, and being paranoid with other people and fearing abandonment.

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According to Gordon Harold, Ph.D., “Children who are exposed to daily arguments between their parents—conflicts that are not violent but constant, severe, and poorly resolved—are at a heightened risk for mental health issues, despite considering bad parenting habits or genetic predisposition factors, something passed from the parents to children, in discussing the impact of hostile relationships and their effects on children.”

“Importantly, kids may not really be accountable for their parents’ marriage problems. Rather, they have to perceive or feel that they are accountable so that they will experience negative psychological results,” he added.

A Story Of Healing

When asked how they want their future families to be, one participant in Tejada’s case study responded, “Establish a godly and financially stable family.”

The process of healing and hoping for a better future doesn’t really happen overnight. To be honest, I myself am still in the process of healing. There are still many moments when I reminisce about all that has happened, and memories will bring back tears to my eyes.

But there’s healing, coping, and moving on. As the years passed, I realize that I am worthy of love. Whether I came from a happy or broken family does not matter when it comes to being accepted by my peers, colleagues, and friends.

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My mom, close friends, churchmates, and workmates really helped me a lot in stepping forward, despite how hard it was. Their guidance really brought out the best in my disposition in life. Recent experiences led to favorable successes in studies, career, and finances.

Also, being part of a broken family doesn’t really define how an individual wants to build his or her future. Just like how the participant responded, committing to God in the future is also an important thing. As a product of a broken family, I realized how to be strong despite what happened, and I also recognized that these scars can serve as an inspiration to other wounded and hurting people.

With my failed relationships in the past, I also realized that true love is bound by God’s love for me. Establishing a God-centered family became one of my life goals.

Being a product of a broken family is one of the worst things that can happen in our lives. However, realizing that we are stronger than we think and overcoming this challenge is the best we can do for ourselves. When we are finally able to heal, we can build stronger relationships filled with trust, care, and love.

 

How To Handle Past Relationships From A School Reunion

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School reunions are fun and exciting. Memories are revisited and shared by all. The only peril in attending school reunions is to meet once again that particular person that almost occupied your whole life before you moved on and had separate lives – the one that got away. How will you be able to handle this situation? Read on.

Continue reading How To Handle Past Relationships From A School Reunion

Newborn Hacks For Mommy And Daddy 

After taking care of your baby inside you for nine months, more or less, it is now time for your little creature to experience the real world. If you are a first-time mom or dad, you probably enrolled in all the possible prenatal classes there are around your area so that you can be fully prepared when this special time has come.  

 

Source: flickr.com

  Continue reading Newborn Hacks For Mommy And Daddy 

Dating Red Flags That Affect Our Mental Well-Being

Many of us see our romantic partners as someone to lean on during difficult times in our life. However, they can sometimes be the opposite of helpful. The sad reality is that toxic relationships are not uncommon. You may not realize it, but your date could exhibit behavior that’s detrimental to our mental wellness.

Let’s take a look at some practices that warn you to get out while it’s early.

Controlling Behavior

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While some people notice some signs of controlling behavior, many tend to shrug it off. What they don’t understand is that this tends to get worse as the relationship progresses. “Early in a relationship, it’s that one thing that’s right in front of you that may be a sign of something deeper,” says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., PsyD.

It could start with something as simple as them asking you to keep them updated on your activities throughout the day. Seems pretty innocent, right? After all, they’re just interested in you, and they want to know what you’re up to.

But this can get worse. Soon enough, your partner might ask you to stop seeing some of your friends and family. They might want you to stop wearing certain types of clothing. They want you to play by their rules.

These signs can’t be anything but harmful to your well-being. They are also forms of mental and psychological abuse. Such behavior means that your partner is stripping you of your free will and identity. It can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Stick with a partner who respects your space and freedom.

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Being Secretive

When you’re in a relationship, you expect to get to know them as nobody else does. Admittedly, that’s not to say that they have to share every detail of their life with you. But it’s worrying when they seem to be very secretive.

This instance can be shown by them being protective of their phone and not wanting you to even touch it. Your partner may also refrain from giving you details about where they’ve been or what they did throughout the day.

When you’re with someone like this, you can’t help but feel like something is wrong. Being in this situation gradually manifests in paranoia. Is my partner cheating on me? Are they living a double life? You’ll want a partner in your life who can be open with you.

Taking Down To You

It’s not unusual to tease around with friends and romantic partners. Sometimes it’s about our height or a weird habit. However, you’ll know when the joke seems to be taking a different direction.

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Some people talk down to their partners. Almost everything coming out of their mouth is some form of criticism. They make negative comments about your appearance, friends, family, hobbies, interests, life choices, and so on. While some criticism can help you grow, it certainly isn’t helpful if it’s the only thing you hear.

Being treated in this particular way can be a sharp blow to your confidence. All of us have insecurities, and your partner should be helping you overcome them instead of adding to it. Find someone who enables you to grow, not hinder you from such. “If you just started dating someone and are questioning his or her maturity, character, or sincerity, trust your gut, value yourself, and consider if the relationship is really worth continuing.” says  Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC

Lying And Gaslighting

They say that a little white lie never hurt anybody. While that’s true, constant lying is a huge red flag. It’s one thing to lie about going to bed when you’re playing video games. It’s another thing for you to say you’re with family when you’re out drinking with friends.

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Gaslighting is an even bigger problem. It is a form of manipulation wherein a person makes you question your observations, reality, and even sanity. They can do this by feeding you wrong information, diverting your attention to a different topic, or trivializing your feelings and concerns.

For example, you confront your partner about forgetting to do an errand you asked them to do. They can counter by saying that you never requested them to do such in the first place. It is another technique people use to gaslight or manipulate you.

Manipulation can leave long-lasting emotional scars. It can make you distrustful of people, making it hard to connect with others. It makes you question your sanity and whether or not your feelings are valid. This can make you susceptible to mental health disorders.

Conclusion

It’s true about the saying love is blind. But those who are smart will keep their eyes peeled for red flags such as these. In all relationships, it isn’t wise to give the other person everything you have and can. Saving love for yourself is essential. Keep yourself and your mental well-being as your top priority. Because according to Megan MacCutcheon, LPC, “we tend to minimize, dismiss, or forget the negatives amid the excitement, lust, and yearning for love that may be present in a new relationship.”

Heartbreak And Depression

Source: metro.co.uk

 

Have you heard Sam Smith’s latest song? The title of his beautiful song filled with so much hurt and pain is “Too Good At Goodbyes”. For Sam, it’s about unrequited love which is so common. You fall in love and give your all, but it’s always not good enough. In fact, nothing you do will ever be enough.

 

Have you ever felt that way in your whole life? Some people even get to the point of depression when their love is unanswered and their heart is played.

 

“I know you’re thinkin’ I’m heartless

I know you’re thinkin’ I’m cold

I’m just protectin’ my innocence

I’m just protectin’ my soul”

 

~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith

 

Andrea never had a serious relationship after Don. Her three boyfriends after him all said the same thing – “Andrea is cold. She’s mean, man. Heartless.” They didn’t know about Don and what happened to her with him.

 

Source: attracttheone.com

 

Andrea and Don

 

The couple were high school sweethearts and they dated all the way through college. After 8 years of being together, Don just left without a word. Andrea was a total wreck and she didn’t know what to do. A week after his intentional disappearance, Don sent an email to Andrea telling her that he was suffocated and that he needed to get away from her. “Essentially, it is a state of devastating emotional loss,” explains behavioral psychologist and relationship coach, Jo Hemmings.

 

They were each other’s first and the couple literally grew up together. Andrea blamed herself for everything and at one time, she even contemplated suicide. Her father walked on her cutting herself and since then, they monitored her every move. She was in a treatment program for her depression and suicidal tendencies. After a year, Andrea showed a different side.

 

When the therapist said that she can “live on her own”, Andrea tried to move on and mask the pain.

 

“I’m never gonna let you close to me

Even though you mean the most to me

‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts

So I’m never gonna get too close to you

Even when I mean the most to you

In case you go and leave me in the dirt”

 

~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith

 

This was her way of getting by. She never gave it her all again. Andrea refused to fall in love again because, at the back of her mind, they will do to her what Don so conveniently put her through. It is like believing in what Dea Dean LPC  said. “It’s normal to hunker down and want space to be alone when we are hurting, but we heal more fully when we’re brave enough to let someone in on ‘what it’s like’ to be us.”

 

Was it a healthy reaction for Andrea? No. The moment her boyfriend made a mistake, Andrea shuts off and walks away.

 

Source: hellogiggles.com

 

 

Travis was her boyfriend after Don and he said something that triggered Andrea’s past experience. It wasn’t even bad, but Andrea was totally sensitive and thought, “Not again.” She just told him that it was over without a valid explanation.

 

Nick was a sweet guy. He tried to show her how much she meant to him by pushing Andrea to meet his parents. Andrea didn’t handle the situation well and left Nick with his parents standing at the middle of the restaurant. She texted him – “We’re done.”

 

Roy was bad news. Andrea liked the idea of being with a rocker guy at arm’s length and detached. They would fool around and Andrea was still empty. For a while, Roy was fine with it. She grew tired and dumped him, though. “Bye,” she said.

 

“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry

And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out, the less I love you

Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true”

 

~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith

 

Andrea needed help. She wouldn’t admit it, but what she did to her other boyfriends were not normal. A heartbreak can indeed render you helpless for a period of time. It must not consume you and destroy your ability to love and be loved. “What you tell yourself about the breakup, what you tell yourself about the future, and what you tell yourself about yourself,” are major factors that influence the process, says Brandy Engler, Psy.D. 

 

 

 

Ready, Set, Move On From A Toxic Relationship

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Moving on from a relationship is hard, but moving on from a toxic relationship is a totally different story. You may not recognize it yet, or perhaps you are still in denial, but identifying a toxic from a healthy relationship could be one of the most enlightening experiences to have. Not until you ended and have moved on from that toxic relationship would you totally feel relieved and free.

 

Toxic relationships come in various forms. However, their main denominators would be: taking away your self-confidence, destroying your self-esteem, and degrading you to a level you never thought you would ever have to be in. Most abused individuals never thought they would let anyone break them the way their partners do. But when they’ve become too invested in the relationship and have been perfectly manipulated by their abusers, they feel as if they were held as captives and that there is no way out.

 

“A toxic relationship is one that adversely impacts a person’s health and well-being,” says Kelly Campbell, PhD. Fortunately, a lot of people have been out of toxic relationships and are able to tell their stories of how they ended things and moved on. So, if you think there’s no way out, think again. Here are proven steps to move on from a toxic relationship:

 

Block all forms of communication.

Source: markmanson.ne

 

The first few months after a breakup is a tough part. You constantly miss your ex-partner and you keep thinking about what they are doing and if they are doing just fine without you. You find yourself stalking them on Twitter, watching their Instagram stories, and checking the green circle on Facebook messenger.

 

Sure, it could go on for a few weeks. But if you are really determined to forget and move on, you have to realize that stalking your ex will not help you get there. The mantra “Out of sight, out of mind” is especially helpful for people wanting to forget.

 

Block them on all social media sites where you follow each other, erase their contact number, and challenge yourself for a week or even a month of ‘total abstinence’ from them.

 

Love yourself.

 

Staying in an abusive relationship means you lack self-love. If you value yourself, you would know that you do not deserve to be treated that way in the first place. Now that you are free, it’s time to make up for everything you’ve been through by pampering yourself and not settling for anything less than you deserve.

 

Self-love could be as easy as going on a shopping spree and upgrading your wardrobe or even having that eyelash extension you’ve always wanted. Make it all about you, once and for all.

 

Go out with your friends and build a support system.

Source: dailyamericanbuzz.com

 

Most of the time, abusers do not let their partners go out with their friends as often as they did when they were single. It could be because they do not want their partners to share to their friends what is happening between them or they are just plain jealous all the time.

 

Your friends are your friends for a reason and if going out with them would make you forget, then do so by all means. Share with them what you’ve been through to get the support that you need. You might be overwhelmed by the immensity of support you will get from the people around you when all along you thought you were alone in your battle.

 

Seek help from a therapist.

source: intentblog.com

Some people who have been in very toxic relationships lose all hope of ever fixing themselves. There are several online and personal therapists whom you could reach at any time to seek help. You may be wondering how much is therapy, but it could all depend on the degree of help that you would be needing. “You can experiment with this and see how often you actually talk to your partner while looking directly at them,” says Lauren Cook, MMFT.

 

It is best that you consult either online or set an appointment right away. You can start searching the online therapy providers to know what options are available for you as well as how much it actually costs to use online therapy. Talking to an expert would give you a scientific understanding of what you’ve been through, why you let it happen, and why it continues to affect you. Remember, you have been manipulated and abused. You’re not supposed to blame yourself for falling into a trap.

 

Prioritize self-growth.

 

Any goals that involve you wanting to change your partner in some way are toxic. As Dr. Gladys Frankel, PhD. Therefore, it is never an option. So focus on making yourself busy by improving yourself. Take that cooking class you’ve been interested about or that calligraphy class you’ve been eyeing online. Even the smallest things such as reading a few articles a day, or hitting the gym for an hour would make a huge difference in your life. Do it for yourself because you owe it yourself.

 

Degrees of the toxic relationship vary from one couple to another. But moving out of it could be done in similar ways. It might just take longer for other people but with sheer determination, you will also get there. For now, block your ex first and from there, everything will follow.

How To Effectively Move On From A Failed Relationship

Source: mariorivers.com

Be it in advertisements, romance novels, social media, and magazines, dating topics are almost a staple daily topic everywhere. This also includes a very popular choice about moving on from a painful break-up. How do we start a new life after investing so much time, effort and emotions from a relationship we thought would last forever? A romantic relationship filled with so much love has turned into a cycle of misunderstandings, blame games, and toxic fights.

Continue reading How To Effectively Move On From A Failed Relationship

When it’s time to say Goodbye

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At some point, most of us have been in that kind of relationship where we are wondering whether to let go or still hold on. We are confused as to the direction the relationship is taking us, and we just don’t know whether to walk away or keep holding on, hoping that things will get better. Relationships normally go through high and low moments and in those moments, it’s hard to be sure of where you stand in the relationship.

There are times in your relationship when you feel like it’s no longer worth it. Trying to make it work just begins to feel like a waste of time, and you begin to wonder if it’s time to say goodbye.

You look at your partner, and you just don’t feel the love anymore. All the admiration you have for them is gone, and you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Or maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it’s them, with their refusal to put in more effort. You realize that they have been taking you for granted, you no longer feel as if they love you anymore, all the nice things they did for you in the past seems like it happened in your past life. The way they treat you now makes you feel worthless and unloved. You just begin to feel like it’s time to move on.

Continue reading When it’s time to say Goodbye