Have you heard Sam Smith’s latest song? The title of his beautiful song filled with so much hurt and pain is “Too Good At Goodbyes”. For Sam, it’s about unrequited love which is so common. You fall in love and give your all, but it’s always not good enough. In fact, nothing you do will ever be enough.


Have you ever felt that way in your whole life? Some people even get to the point of depression when their love is unanswered and their heart is played.


“I know you’re thinkin’ I’m heartless

I know you’re thinkin’ I’m cold

I’m just protectin’ my innocence

I’m just protectin’ my soul”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


Andrea never had a serious relationship after Don. Her three boyfriends after him all said the same thing – “Andrea is cold. She’s mean, man. Heartless.” They didn’t know about Don and what happened to her with him.




Andrea and Don


The couple were high school sweethearts and they dated all the way through college. After 8 years of being together, Don just left without a word. Andrea was a total wreck and she didn’t know what to do. A week after his intentional disappearance, Don sent an email to Andrea telling her that he was suffocated and that he needed to get away from her. “Essentially, it is a state of devastating emotional loss,” explains behavioral psychologist and relationship coach, Jo Hemmings.


They were each other’s first and the couple literally grew up together. Andrea blamed herself for everything and at one time, she even contemplated suicide. Her father walked on her cutting herself and since then, they monitored her every move. She was in a treatment program for her depression and suicidal tendencies. After a year, Andrea showed a different side.


When the therapist said that she can “live on her own”, Andrea tried to move on and mask the pain.


“I’m never gonna let you close to me

Even though you mean the most to me

‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts

So I’m never gonna get too close to you

Even when I mean the most to you

In case you go and leave me in the dirt”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


This was her way of getting by. She never gave it her all again. Andrea refused to fall in love again because, at the back of her mind, they will do to her what Don so conveniently put her through. It is like believing in what Dea Dean LPC  said. “It’s normal to hunker down and want space to be alone when we are hurting, but we heal more fully when we’re brave enough to let someone in on ‘what it’s like’ to be us.”


Was it a healthy reaction for Andrea? No. The moment her boyfriend made a mistake, Andrea shuts off and walks away.





Travis was her boyfriend after Don and he said something that triggered Andrea’s past experience. It wasn’t even bad, but Andrea was totally sensitive and thought, “Not again.” She just told him that it was over without a valid explanation.


Nick was a sweet guy. He tried to show her how much she meant to him by pushing Andrea to meet his parents. Andrea didn’t handle the situation well and left Nick with his parents standing at the middle of the restaurant. She texted him – “We’re done.”


Roy was bad news. Andrea liked the idea of being with a rocker guy at arm’s length and detached. They would fool around and Andrea was still empty. For a while, Roy was fine with it. She grew tired and dumped him, though. “Bye,” she said.


“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry

And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out, the less I love you

Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true”


~ Too Good At Goodbyes, Sam Smith


Andrea needed help. She wouldn’t admit it, but what she did to her other boyfriends were not normal. A heartbreak can indeed render you helpless for a period of time. It must not consume you and destroy your ability to love and be loved. “What you tell yourself about the breakup, what you tell yourself about the future, and what you tell yourself about yourself,” are major factors that influence the process, says Brandy Engler, Psy.D. 




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