I was forty-five years old and 190pounds, with two boys to look after while my husband, looking like a million bucks, was philandering. To make it short, he dumped me. He left me for a 26-year-old blonde salesgirl. I really don’t know what it is with blonde women. They can easily capture the weak hearts (and groins) of insecure middle-aged men. My sister had the same problem since her husband’s mistress is a blonde University student. He even pays for her college tuition.
Yeah, our life is a mess; good thing my mother was there for my sister and me. And thank God for Decan. It was a long courtship, as I would say it. Or maybe because I was afraid of loving again and I didn’t want to rush things. For me, if Decan were the one, he would wait as he gets to know me. I confess that there are times when I wanted to jump him, literally, and say – Hey D, can we meet right now and have some good lovin’? But my mind would wash away the urges of my body and keep me sane.
“Kate, you are much stronger than that. If Decan is the guy for you, the one that the Lord God sent to you through Tinder to be your ultimate and forever lover, he will wait.” That’s what my mind told me, over and over again for six months. Six months! And yes, you read that right. We met on Tinder.
I need to discuss three things here before you think that I am just misleading all of you — first, my mindset. Second, the use of Tinder and meeting with a stranger. Third, loving myself.
My husband just divorced me, and I was at a very low moment in my life back then. As I said, I was old looking, haggard, and fat. No wonder he left me for a younger woman – that was my mindset back then. But my mother, bless her, showed me how valuable I am as a person. She showed me what I failed to see because of my self-loathing – that I was a beautiful woman, with a beautiful heart that needs a bit of fixing — just a bit.
And so, like any loving mother in this world, she slowly helped me change my mindset. I saw myself as useful and valuable. With that, I started eating right and also followed and exercise program. In as short as four months, I lost 30 pounds, and that was a huge effect on my appearance.
Decan… I met him through Tinder, and we engaged in healthy conversations for six months before I finally met with him face to face. I am not saying that everyone in Tinder is a good man to pursue. Please, be very careful with who you meet with on Tinder and other dating sites. It just so happened that Decan was like me, kind, true, and looking for a lifetime companion. We were on the same page, and that’s why we connected. We both wanted someone in life to grow old with having the same values and ideas. We will be one year next week, and will celebrate our anniversary in Cancun!
I had to love myself after my divorce. That was the hardest thing to do. But with mom and Decan helping me, it was all but natural. For other people to see your worth, you have to start with yourself. You have to see yourself as someone worth loving, and you have to live your life for you, and not for anyone else.
For those who are undergoing divorce right now, just hold on. Love yourself. Start from that.