The old dating tips still haven’t worked? Maybe they’re not founded on facts. Just to remind everyone: love and relationships, as abstract concepts as they can be, are still backed up by science.
In order to boost your charm points, first you have to keep in mind: what makes people attractive? Psychology tells us that attraction, one of the crucial ingredients to romantic relationships, depends on three essential factors: Physical attractiveness, Proximity, and Similarity.
In early stages of dating, people tend to be infatuated with people whom they find physically attractive. They look into features such as facial symmetry and waist-to-hip ratio to determine the attractiveness of a person. However, physical attractiveness doesn’t necessarily lie on the body, alone. While men are more keen on getting attracted to the right body features, women are attracted to the right social status. Research shows that women are more attracted to men of good social standing. With the male’s resources, they have more chances of successfully raising an offspring together.
While physical attractiveness raises infatuation, proximity tests that. People tend to be attracted to those people whom they see daily or get exposed all the time. This is explained by the mere exposure effect, which states that people will like novel stimuli more if they are exposed to it on a regular basis.
If there is infatuation from physical attractiveness and both partners are exposed to each other often, then, similarity comes into play. People tend to pick partners who share the same similarities in various aspects such as age, religion, race, class, and the like. Some researchers claim that it is similarity that causes attraction since both partners can associate themselves with each other due to their similar situations and circumstances. The factor of similarity is so strong that people tend to like others who share the similar feelings.
While it’s important to know what causes attraction, it is also important to know the other types of love and what makes romantic love so different from them. Knowing this might even save you from the pitfall of friend zone. This may even transform a simple infatuation to a full-blown romantic relationship!
According to Dr. Robert Sternberg, love has three components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. Intimacy refers to the feelings of attachment to the person; passion refers to sexual or romantic attraction; while commitment is the desire to have a long-term relationship with the other person.
Romantic relationships, most likely, start as infatuation. Infatuation is a kind of love that only has passion as its component. However, as time progresses and both partners get to know each other, intimacy is created. Then, the infatuation becomes a romantic relationship.
Nevertheless, Sternberg believes that romantic relationship is not the end result. The perfect type of love, consummate love, is created when romantic love is mixed with a desire to have a long-term relationship. While Sternberg asserts that this is hard to create, it is even harder to maintain a consummate love.
The infamous pitfall of friend zone happens to be called Liking/Friendship in Psychology. In this type of love, only intimacy is formed. There is no passion or attraction that could make it turn into a romantic type of love. However, this form of love is not as bad as it seems. Liking/Friendship is, like romantic love, a form of love nonetheless. It is created by a long-term exposure and attachment to one another.
So, while you’re looking for ways on how your ideal person might finally notice you, just remember the Psychology of dating and relationships. The best dating recommendations come from science itself. They have been tested and certified by hundreds of psychologists across time and space.